Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
