Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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