two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
