My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
