He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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