We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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