Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
