I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
