I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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