I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
