Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
