Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
