mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
