Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
