there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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