That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you traded sex for a burrito?
love makes seman taste better
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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