Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize