Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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