I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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