RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
