I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize