Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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