6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
