I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
