Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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