So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
