no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize