Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
