I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
