stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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