happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
