I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
