take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
