last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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