we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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