So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
