My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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