On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
