At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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