Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
