Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
