how can u be prego again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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