last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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