i just snorted my name. best moment ever
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
