let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
