Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
