happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
