he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
