Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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