she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
