I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
