My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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