You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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