I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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