there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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