I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
