Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
