So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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