I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I am morally bankrupt
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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