She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize