Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
