I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
