Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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