I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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