i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just tell him i said nine months
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
