READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
