party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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