You made me cry and you don't even care
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
