she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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