I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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