I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
