omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
