she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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