Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
