My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
