Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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