Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
