oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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