The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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