I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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