I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
