You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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