i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
