He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
