No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
