Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
