Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
