It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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