i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
