Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
