is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
