At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
whose parrot is this?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
