i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
