Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
