We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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