that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize