One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize