he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
