we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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