All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
