Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There r osticjed everywhere
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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