We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
