Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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