i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
