i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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